In the hallowed year of 1483, Vatican City was graced with a transcendent marvel—the Sistine Chapel. Its splendor not only captivated the hearts of those who beheld it but also etched the Holy City onto the world's map for countless generations. Fast forward through the annals of time, and behold! The sun-drenched streets of San Luis Obispo birthed a spectacular offering to humanity, one whose physical presence, religious importance, and artistic merits deserve complimentary—or far greater, depending on which oddball circles you inhabit—praise and adoration from the public. I present to you the illustrious Bubblegum Alley—an enchanting corridor bedecked in hypnotic hues and the gooey corpses of decades-old, weathered chewing gum.
Nestled right in the beating heart of SLO's chic downtown, amidst the swanky storefronts and whimsically named watering holes like the "Creeky Tiki Bar," central California's most notorious oddity stands as a perpetual enigma, sowing the seeds of controversy since its very inception. For some, it stands as a quirky beacon, a unique tourist draw that proudly showcases San Luis Obispo on every 'weird things to do in CA' list. On the flip side, critics and taxpayers with less-than-amazing senses of humor might arch an eyebrow and vehemently argue that Bubblegum Alley is a grotesque and egregious eyesore, casting a monstrous ogre-like shadow over the town.
"Should it stay, or should it go?" echoes through the local streets, a battle cry amidst the protests and mudslinging that have surrounded this unnatural anomaly of outsider art. Yet, against all odds, through the fracas and tumult, the alley has not only weathered the storm but has, in fact, flourished and thrived.
Feast your eyes! Thousands of stringy, glutinous, and vibrant gum goblets, each a tantalizing memento of its tasteful past, are boldly on display, eager for their cinematic close-up. The once-rustic brick walls of yesteryear now stand entirely cloaked, every nook and cranny, no matter how small, lofty, inconvenient, filthy, or seemingly insignificant, awaiting the swift attention of a tipsy college reveler or an adventurous tourist. Infused with saliva-laden memories amassed over decades of intimate exchanges, one could argue that Bubblegum Alley harbors a DNA collection so impressive it could rival the forensic prowess of the country’s most esteemed FBI crime labs.
It's both intriguing and revolting; a 360-degree spin will make the colors blend like a wonderful kaleidoscope of teeth-marked red, green, yellow, and magenta flashes. It's a vivid spectacle of color porn, reminiscent of admiring a starry desert sky at night—but instead of seeing millions of bright stars, you're staring at sloppily placed pieces of dirt-crusted chewing gum and trying hard not to retch all over yourself.
Despite its narrow width (hey, it's an alley – a key element of its charm), the length of Bubblegum Alley is nothing short of impressive. Extending a good 70 feet back, the depth generously offers aspiring Basquiats an expansive canvas to unleash their avant-garde gum-sticking artistic prowess. To all passersby, I encourage you to be more than mere spectators; infuse your own flair into this artistic inferno by grabbing a pack, chewing it with gusto, and perhaps igniting that DIY art career you've always envisioned. This is your time to shine.
And don’t go calling the local health inspector just yet, for the spectacle within Bubblegum Alley is not exactly the haphazard horror one might envision. Thanks to regular monthly steam cleanings, the majority of the alley's walls stand in a robust, weathered state, making the experience palatable even for the most squeamish germaphobe. However, please abide by the cardinal rule: no matter how tempting it may be, resist the urge to lick or chew the colorful confections.
Lastly, a hearty salute to the loyal and understanding neighbors of the alley; you've earned your gold stars and high fives for preserving this urban legend. The neighboring coffee shop deserves a hefty applause for discreetly providing sightseers with gum-ball contraband at a mere 50 cents a pop, while the adjacent pub plays its part by administering a monthly cleaning ritual. Observing these efforts, I can't help but feel a renewed sense of hope for the world.
